I met this couple at a Meet the Doula Night hosted by Dr. Vivian Keeler’s Amazing Births and Beyond. This couple stood out to me from the start since the partner came right out and asked as his first question if I planned on having anymore babies in the near future! Little did I know that I would be conceiving shortly after our speed dating experience. Which made it interesting when they decided to hire me and I shared the news with them. Needless to say this couple holds a special place in my ♥heart♥.
This is the story of her orgasmic birth experience, written by her….
For a long time I was hesitant to share my birth story. Not because it was frightening and traumatic, but because it was beautiful and exactly what I wanted. I was scared to share my birth story because I didn’t want to make other moms feel bad. Then another mom encouraged me to share. She told me “how can new moms believe that their bodies know what to do, that a painless birth is possible if no one tells them so?” She was right. I didn’t believe it was possible either. I had heard about it, it happened to a friend of a friend of a friend. But I had also heard that they caught a 10 foot fish. I thought it was a lie at worst or an exaggeration at best.
But it happened to me.
It didn’t seem like it was going to happen that way though. I was so anemic that I was high risk and I absolutely did not want a hospital birth. I’ll keep this part short: I started having contractions and I begged my baby to give me more time. He listened and my contractions stopped. I ate organ meat for breakfast lunch and dinner, had 9 iron supplements a day, and my husband chanted “IIIIRRRROOOON MAN!” every time I walked by.
When I started having contractions again, I had my blood work taken and I was no longer high risk. Barely, but that didn’t matter, my birth center birth was on!
I started having contractions on Friday but I went about my business. Made breakfast, went Wal-Mart, and texted everyone to cancel their plans that I was pretty sure I was going to have a baby this weekend. My husband, sensing my cabin fever, suggested we go to the beach and do some walking. It started to rain once we got there so we drove for about 2 hours instead.
We fell asleep the moment we got home. Then about 4am, I felt like I needed to poop! I thought to myself “Good! That way I won’t poop while pushing!” But nothing came out? I decided to stay on the toilet for a while and I ended up asleep on the toilet. I woke up two hours later and realized I had bloody show. I texted my doula that I may be in labor but there was no rush. That she should shower, eat and tend to her own kids. After all, she was 6 months pregnant and I didn’t want a hungry pregnant woman helping me labor! She agreed that she would be over once she got the kids situated.
My husband woke up a while later needing to use the bathroom, he asked me what I was doing and I joked “Either having your baby or a brown baby!” we both laughed. I managed to get myself off the toilet to let him use the bathroom. I walked around on my tip toes… because it felt better that way! But then my husband opened the door and the creak startled me. I fell over and vomited. He rushed to help me, I asked not to be left alone again and he nodded. He asked me if he needed to call anyone and I told him that I had already told my doula. He unlocked the door to make sure he didn’t have to leave my side when she arrived.
At that point I had the smartest thought of the day “Of me, not greater than me”. For the rest of my labor, every time I felt overwhelmed, I would think that: Of me, not greater than me.
I didn’t feel overwhelmed often though, every time I had a contraction I would do what my body told me to do and that was to kiss my husband. Deeply. It truly helped me focus on how much I loved him instead of how much it felt like I needed to poop!
When my doula showed up she was amazed at how close my contractions were coming and that I was still able to talk through them. Considering the timing and the amount of bloody show she agreed that we could go to the birth center when I was ready. I said I would like to get there before it got bad, so she told my husband to get the car ready. He hesitated and I assured him it was okay to leave me. My doula offered me pressure on my back while I contracted but I said I wasn’t in pain and would much prefer to be shown affection. She nodded and started petting my hair; it was exactly what I needed.
When my husband signaled that the car was ready we waddled down the stairs and made the 30 minute drive to the birth center. I turned the radio on loud and sand along to every song I knew. Since it was Saturday morning, no one was at the birth center yet but they were on their way. My doula called for an update and my midwife said that she would be there in about 40 minutes but she would see if she could send someone to let us in sooner. I assured everyone that I was fine, I wasn’t in a rush, that everything was still completely manageable.
It turned out that my birth assistant was around the corner and let us in 10 minutes after we had arrived. It was about 11am at this point. She asked to check me and I said she could as long as she did it between contractions. She was a little shocked once she did. I was 6-7 centimeters already. We all cheered. I asked to have a bath ran for me. She told me it wasn’t a good idea. My labor had just started and I should walk to help things along. I shook my head and insisted for a bath. She shrugged and got me into the tub.
Then I fell asleep.
I was woken up a while later by laughter “Is she really sleeping?!” I joked “I was! Until you woke me up with all the laughter!” Then I fell back asleep.
I would wake up every so often, go back to sleep, my husband was forced away from my side at one point to eat. But over all, it was a good nap!
Then at about 2:30, MAGIC!
It was finally going to happen!
I could feel it!
I was going to poop!
My husband and doula helped me onto the toilet but my birth assistant was incredulous. She watched me for a few minutes then asked “Do you feel different?” I said no, I just really wanted to poop. She laughed and told my husband and doula to help me back into the tub. I wasn’t pooping, I was having a baby!
My midwife was called into the room and everyone sat on the rim of the tub. My husband was petting my hair, my doula was rubbing my hand and either my birth assistant or my midwife was stroking my leg.
Then someone suggested I get into a better position for pooping. I half way tried to get into the position they suggested then promptly said “Nope, don’t like it” and I went about doing things the way I wanted. Which was some seriously lazy pushing. My midwife tried to get me to put a little effort into it but I ignored her mostly. “He would be here by now!” but I wasn’t rushed.
When he started to crown it felt pretty uncomfortable, like when you stretch a little too far. My midwife suggested that my husband and I reach down and touch his head, we both declined. I didn’t realize it then, but I think I didn’t because if I realized what was happening, I would have panicked. Once the head was out I rested through 2 contractions, didn’t push at all, and then I did. He came out in one final push.
It was orgasmic.
Yes. Orgasmic. I yelled out “Oh god that feels amazing!” and my midwife scooped him up and placed him on my chest. It was 3:05pm May 4th.
Then terror hit. I didn’t love him. Where was the rush they told me about? Was I a bad mom already?
I got out of the tub and carried him to the bed. He started rooting and I helped him latch on. There it was. I loved him all of a sudden. I was so in love that I didn’t realize I still hadn’t delivered the placenta. That is until I felt a horrible sensation you know where. My midwife was trying to encourage the placenta to come out by tugging on the cord! I very politely said “You pull on that cord one more time and I WILL kick you in the face.” She stared back blankly and dropped the cord. I went back to cooing at the baby.
The placenta drama went on for another 2 hours. I got a tiny dose of Pitocin, nothing. Called the acupuncturist and nothing. More tugging on the cord, more threats of kicks to the face. I asked to be let up but since I was anemic before and as with all births there was blood loss, they declined. So I lied: I needed to use the bathroom.
My midwife, sensing my BS, called for a bedpan. “Nope, I need to poop!” She grumbled and helped me onto the toilet. Then all of a sudden I did need to poop! I pushed and felt as if my bottom was going to explode! Out came the placenta and there was that awesome orgasmic feeling again! Birth was awesome!
The stiches I needed were not. Those hurt. Bad. I hate every second of every stitch. And I called my midwife every horrible name I could think of. Promptly following by “I don’t mean that!”
Once we were done, they offered me a raw placenta smoothie to help with dealing with the blood loss and all the birth hormones. I took it. Tasted like chocolate milk, nothing weird.
And that is how we welcomed our son over earth-side!
On a side note, I didn’t actually poop that day.